One Perfect Mess

Archive for October, 2010

“Look kids, an ambulance is about to pass us” – me

“Why mommy?” – Weebles

“AMBOOLAN!!” – Peanut

“Well ambulances carry sick people to the doctor quickly so they can feel better.” – me

“Why they do that mommy?” – Weebles

“Um… well if someone is very sick or hurt they need to get help from the doctor really fast.” – me

“WHAT?” – Weebles

“Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy” – Peanut

“Sometimes people need doctors to help them to get well. What is it buddy?” – me

“Why?” – Weebles

“Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy” – Peanut

“Look kids, Nemo is on” – me

End scene

I agreed to be an Eden Ambassador before attending the Type A Mom Conference last month in Asheville NC. I happened upon Eden Fantasys because The Bloggess writes a column over there that is, not surprisingly, totally fucking hilarious. Go on, read it, I’ll wait…. Nobody is coming back are they? Damn. So, I signed up to do this before I heard all the pleas for bloggers not to work for free cereal and the like and so then I reconsidered but finally came to the conclusion that this is  adult merchandise and not cereal and therefore it is all probably okay. I hope. So we’ll see how this goes. Also, corn sugar is the devil, so I’m clear there.

Anyhoo, after discovering their site I tried out their company and was pretty impressed. There is a little back story to my career in the sex industry. In laws might want to quit reading. Are they gone yet? Okay, good. It really isn’t that exciting but now they will think it is. My hometown happens to be the base of operations for one of the (perhaps the largest? I’m not sure) adult product distributors in the United States, PHE. I have worked in mail order for the last twelve years and one of my stops along the way was a night job at PHE. So I have a greater base of knowledge than most average? normal? whatever people on adult movies/products and the like since I sold them. In no way to I want to imply that PHE is not a great company because it is. They treat their employees very very well and they empower them to provide good customer service. The difference really comes in the client base the two companies are geared toward. Eden Fantasys is definitely a more welcoming shopping experience to the average woman. Their site is very easy to navigate and the copy is informative but not necessarily intended to double for porn in a pinch. The products I have seen so far have all been very nice quality and reasonably priced and from time to time I will be reviewing products that they send me here on my blog.

I look forward to working with Eden Fantasys and learning more about their company in the coming months. Should you have any questions about them please let me know. If it isn’t something I can answer, I can find someone over there that can.

**FTC Disclosure: I was sent free merchandise from Eden Fantasys in exchange for my honest testimonial about their company. All opinions expressed are my own. And no, my attorney did not review this pitiful statement, I hope I don’t get sued.**

Both of mine are currently in a phase where they are testing limits. Constantly. And it seems quaint to think of it that way, to give it a name and chuckle about it. But holy eff are they driving me up the wall, across the ceiling and down the other damn side. By the end of the day yesterday I was crazy screaming mad as hell nutjob mama and I was none too proud of myself for it. While I rationally know that “testing limits” is a very important part of their development, it looks a hell of a lot like two little people deliberately pissing me off and it is tough to not take it personally after hour #102. Both of them are fighting sleep with everything they have which means they often aren’t both asleep until nine thirty or so, then back up by five thirty to start the day again. I don’t even want to do the math on how many hours a day that leaves for them to climb onto tables, eat cat food, steal each others’ toys, harass the cat, run up the steps, hide from me in Target and in general annoy the ever lovin’ hell out of me. If you need me I’ll be in rocking myself in the corner, eyes closed tight repeating “this too shall pass, this too shall pass….”

There is an attic space above the master bedroom. I have been throwing diaper boxes of outgrown clothes up there for the last three years with no regard to sorting by size or gender. It has been literally hanging over my head as I try to sleep for the last several months. A big goal of mine was to sort through those before getting pregnant again since getting up the ladder while pregnant would be a poor idea. Not that I have any immediate plans for that. We are having yard sale in a few weeks and that was motivation enough to head up there and see what was what.

Oh. My. Holy. Hell. Did you know I have a shopping problem? If I just thought I might buy too many clothes for the kids now I know without a doubt. There were at least 25 diaper boxes of clothes up there. Yes, I store things in diaper boxes. I also pack things in diaper boxes for trips. So? I sorted through all of them. I made a nice pile of baby gear in the corner. Jumper, saucer, boppies, swing, playmats, toys, blankets, changing pads, mini cribs…

Then I turned my attention to the bags full of my maternity clothes. Sorting through them convinced me I am making the right decision waiting at least a few more months because UGH I hate being pregnant. They brought back memories of how miserable I feel and all the anxiety that comes with it.

Turns out I should have gone through those last. Just as soon as I cracked open the first box of baby clothes all I could think about was having another baby to wear all this adorable stuff. And I do mean ALLLL this adorable stuff. I have enough clothes to outfit quintuplets. Hopefully some of each gender. I easily spent twenty minutes sobbing into the little hospital issued snap front shirt that the Peanut came home from the hospital in. He cried too hard to even dress in the going home outfit I had chosen for him. And the shoes, my GOD, the shoes are another trigger. Remembering their first days toddling around. If I don’t have at least one more boy and one more girl I don’t know what I’ll do with myself. Maybe dress up the cats?

This? Is an awesome idea. For those of you with kids, you already know this is something you need to do. For those of you that don’t have them yet, you can get a really accurate picture of what life will be like once you have kids by reading Barefoot Foodie’s recent post. If I were you, I’d start with the self care now.

Last weekend I went to  my first social media conference. I didn’t have a good idea of what to expect. When I first walked in the lobby of the hotel I’m pretty sure my face reflected how overwhelmed I was. There were bloggers every.where. Some I only recognized due to their badges, but plenty of them were easily recognizable to me without them. The first thing I did was to pull a Jenny and head directly the nearest bathroom to hide. The problem with that idea I found was that women hang out in bathrooms all the time. So hiding didn’t work because there were already bloggers in there. So back out I went to find registration. On my way there I was stopped by a very excited gentleman who mistook me for a famous blogger. “OH MY GOD YOU ARE.. YOU ARE… AREN’T YOU FROM.. WHERE DO YOU WRITE? no, no nevermind you aren’t” and off he went. I continued on, perhaps a tiny bit more confused than before and checked in. I got my badge with my name, blog and twitter handle, my fancy custom binder full of conference information and my very first swag bag, ooh la la. No, really it was pretty impressive what with the Build A Bear poking his adorable head out. I immediately went right back outside to my car. I didn’t really have much on the agenda right then besides registering as I arrived in the middle of the dinner break and there weren’t any sessions going on at that time. Plus, hello! still terrified. I spent the next two hours driving aimlessly around Asheville getting take out and buying a new cell phone charger as my iPhone was already running in the red.

Back I went for the Talent Show and it was once against apparent that these ladies have far more going on in the bravery department than me. Women were singing, WITH NO MUSIC, playing the piano, doing comedy skits and reading poetry. The Twittertinis (some sort of bright blue drink) were everywhere which might have explained the surplus of bravery. After staying for a bit I went and sat in the lobby and did some people watching before heading back to the house to tuck the kids in.

Saturday I attended four sessions. The first two were about monetizing your blog and using photography and video in your posts. They were both informative and interesting. I was really looking forward to my afternoon sessions though. The first was dealing with mommy guilt and hoo boy was that one perfect for me. And the second was blogging through grief which I was looking forward to because Anissa would be speaking. It was an amazing hour. The panel was not only very open about how they have dealt with tragedy in their lives but also they touched on how social media helped them to cope. It didn’t hurt that Anissa is downright hilarious and inspirational although I believe she issued some threats on being called that.

But the really amazing part came after the panel, when they allowed questions. I won’t go into any details here but it was very powerful to feel the love and support from these women towards one another. Sometimes I sit here and chat back and forth with another mom that I’ll likely never meet in person and I feel such a connection to them. I wonder if it is just in my head. Would it be the same if we were actually face to face? To be present and see that support was really moving. It makes me wonder why I feel this defensiveness around other moms I see, like they somehow have it all figured out while I don’t. I don’t feel that way around my “social media friends” and a part of me wonders what would be possible if I took the time to let some of the local moms get to know me the way I do with my online ladies.

As I have mentioned, the Weebles has started skipping her nap some days. However, I am making it very clear to her that there is still a “quiet time” after lunch in which she must play quietly in her bedroom by herself. Because naptime isn’t just for the napper. Ahem.

Today was the first weekend day that she skipped nap so I left her in her room with strict instructions not to come out. After awhile I could hear her in the hallway and sure enough she was peeking over the banister at me. As I was just sitting down to eat, Andrew headed upstairs to get her settled back in her room. After about ten minutes I started to wonder what was holding him up. I went upstairs and began to suspect something was amiss when I heard giggling from her bedroom.

Somebody has daddy right where she wants him. After reminding Andrew that this wasn’t playtime, the two of them got their act together.

I think they are trying to pull something over on me…..