One Perfect Mess

Archive for June, 2009

I’ve long been a fan of swearing. It is just so cathartic for me. I’ve never understood why certain words are so much worse than others. If the intent is the same does it really make it any better if you substitute dang or fiddlesticks? Plus having a parent in the ministry I see a lot of ministers off duty and quite a few of them have used words I was surprised to hear so hopefully that means Jesus isn’t too mad about it. I realized yesterday that I was positively giddy listening to an Insane Clown Posse song on a rare child free trip to the doctor it was so jam packed with profanity. It was like eating something that was too sweet. Of course we are trying our best to watch what we say these days. We have a little copy cat running around underfoot that is just dying to try out any new words she hears. And while I might not be able to help myself and laugh when she repeats something she “shouldn’t” I doubt her preschool teacher one day will find it very amusing when parents are calling to complain that their little angels have come home with a whole new vocabulary courtesy of my daughter.

My daughter is about to straight up get on my nerves. Don’t get me wrong, I still love her like a fat kid loves cake but she is in a downright difficult stage. Her waking time today has been spent more in tantrum mode than out of it. Everything in the world is out to frustrate her it seems. She doesn’t understand why she can’t have ice cream sandwiches for breakfast, but then again neither do I. She doesn’t understand why I’d prefer she not get in the shower with me. And she definitely doesn’t understand why I won’t do her bidding instantly every second of the day. And by “doesn’t understand” I mean her requests rapidly get louder and more panicked until she is outright wailing. Then after about 45 seconds of that she runs for her blankie and pitches herself on the floor. She even had a tantrum in her sleep this morning for crying out loud. After three or four minutes she eventually went back to sleep. I will definitely be glad when this stage is past us. Just in case I decided to take her to the mall and sneak away she wisely picked up saying “I wuff you mommy” in the last couple of days. The girl is good.

My family has had its share of drama. This one doesn’t like that one and that one disapproves of this one and these two won’t come to Thanksgiving if so and so is invited, yada yada yada. I’ve grown up with it and I’m just so used to it that any other way makes no sense. So I guess I’m what you might call experienced at this sort of thing. Everybody knows that where family is involved emotions run high. I don’t even remember a time when I would have taken something someone told me as gospel without checking the facts and deciding for myself. That’s how long ago it must have been. Even four year old me would have stepped back and said “woah woah, let me think this through” and figured out based on all the information I could get my preschooler hands on what must have happened rather than just saying “oh you’re right and he’s wrong? if you say so.” Probably why I’m so jaded. It is always safer to get all sides of a story I’ve found because its a real bitch to blindly trust and then realize later you were taken for a ride by someone you loved. Then you feel not only betrayed but also stupid as hell for not thinking for yourself. Just sayin’

My little boy is growing up and I am so not ready for it. With the Weebles I didn’t get terribly nostalgic over milestones. I was able to enjoy them as the new and exciting things that they are. But for some reason I am getting quite sad that my Peanut is not longer a tiny little thing. Maybe it is because I know they stay little such a short time. Before I know it he’ll be walking and talking and counting and identifying triangles (seriously where did she learn that??) and the Weebles will be rolling her eyes and not speaking to me. The boy is very fond of his new “eating solids” skill set. He has enjoyed peas and winter squash with unbridled enthusiasm. I’m not one of those moms that discusses things in the *ahem* diaper department on a frequent basis. At least not unless I’m talking directly to another mom. Perhaps it is just another sign that my PP hormones are still totally whack that I am feeling blue about my baby’s dirty diapers. He’s definitely not a little newborn anymore. I’d better slow down and pay attention or he’ll be all grown up on me. He’s already gotten whining like a teenager down. Ehhhhh, uggggh, ehhheheheh.

Our doula told me in our childbirth classes that I shouldn’t expect Andrew to mother the children the same way I do. She said to remember he’s the dad and not the mom and to let him do things his way when he was taking care of the kids. I admit I was doubtful given that he put the clothes on backwards when I had him dress one of my childhood Cabbage Patch dolls. Twice. But her advice comes back to me from time to time when Andrew isn’t doing things the way I would. Whether it’s getting the Weeble totally wired with a game of puppet chase right before bed or not sticking to the routine 100% I try to remind myself not to get frustrated. As the kids’ happy squeals bounce off the walls at 8 pm I know that they absolutely love every minute they get to spend with their dad. Minutes that aren’t nearly plentiful enough given Andrew’s long commute every day that keeps him away from home often over 10 hours a day. Even though I’m tired and want those kids inbedalready! I have to smile seeing how happy they are and thinking about how lucky they are to have him for a dad. I’m still not letting him take my babies in the ocean however…

Hittin’ the road in a little bit. Headed to see the in laws. Love visiting but I’m not so keen on long car trips these days. What? With two under two? I cannot imagine why. The mountain of gear to be packed is unreal. Chairs, stroller, pack & play (only 1! my lovely in laws actually have a crib set up in our room. Did I mention I LOVE my in laws?), pump, bottles (just in case), baby food, toddler food, snacks for the ride, lovies, lovies, MORE lovies, movies, toys, blankets, towels, clothes.. the list is endless. Oh, and I guess I’d probably better throw a few things in a bag for myself…

We’ve always planned to move to Asheville. Every so often we talk about when we’ll go. How it is all going to work, or not work as the case may be. My parents have known this plan all along, and while they haven’t voiced a major opposition I know when the time comes they are going to be mighty upset. Not only to lose their tech support and fast food delivery person but to lose the ability to see their grandbabies on a daily basis. All other things being equal, I prefer Asheville to Hillsborough any day of the week and probably twice on Sundays since there are more churches to choose from. However, I just don’t know how I’ll ever get over the guilt of taking my children away from my mom. Plus there are a ton of benefits to living near them of course. I feel like I can call them any time of the day or night and expect them to be ready and willing to help out. They are my parents so I can feel that way. I love love LOVE my inlaws but it would be understandably different. I can’t be quite the same level of brat with someone else’s folks. I wouldn’t always feel comfortable calling my mother in law and whining that I got no sleep and expect her to run over to entertain the kids for a bit… every single day. I wouldn’t feel comfortable calling my father in law to complain that the lawn needed mowing and I didn’t want Andrew to have to spend half our precious Saturday doing it and expect him to run over Friday morning and take care of it. So then we’re back to square one. One thing is for sure, we’re going tomorrow. If only for a visit.

I just haven’t felt much like blogging lately. It seems that a lot of people go through phases like this and then get back into it so I’m not too worried. I don’t feel like doing much of anything lately really so its no surprise. Just spending the days with my kids, playing blocks and trying in vain to convince my son that naps are cool. He’s working on crawling so sleep really isn’t a high priority to him right now. Takes away from time he could be doing things! Which is kind of what playing around on the internet is for me these days. Don’t worry, I’ll be back.

I knew the day would come. I just didn’t know when. Good thing I’m not particular.